By Funom Makama
What is dating?
You regularly go out with a certain member of the opposite sex. Are you dating?
You and a member of the opposite sex are attracted to each other. Several times a day, you text-message or talk to this person on the phone. Are you dating?
Every time you get together with your friends, you pair off with the same person of the opposite sex. Are you dating?
You most likely had no problem answering the first question. But you may have paused before responding to the second and the third. What exactly is dating? Really, dating is any social activity in which your romantic interest is focused on one particular person and that person's interest is focused on you. So the answer to all three questions listed above is yes. Whether on the phone or face-to-face, in the open or in secret, if you and a friend of the opposite sex have a special romantic understanding and communicate regularly, its dating. Are you ready to go down that road? A consideration of three questions will help you find out.
Why do you want to date?
There are many so-called reasons why people want to date but is this suppose to be? Some date for fun while others see it as a transitory process in life. Some see it as just one of those stages in life you will reach and drop. But what is the chemistry behind dating? When you date someone you affect the person's feelings and for this reason, dating ought to be taken seriously. This may sound old fashioned but it is the best way to avoid emotional trauma. Dating is a serious process and hence should be treated that way. When you date someone you have the hope or plan it becomes permanent later in life and not just for fun. If you have the intention of making it a fun game for you, what about the other partner? If both of you decided to have fun from it and then drop it later, then it is no more dating because your hearts and soul would not be in it. And believe me! If either of you find some with whom your heart yearns after, that person will not hesitate to switch. Is dating transitory? If that is how you view it, then you are already training yourself to have divorce later in life. If you date to break up, you unconsciously put that mindset in you and it definitely would not be difficult for such a person to divorce in his or her marriage when finally married. One source puts it as "If you date with no intention of marriage, you are acting like a child who plays with a new toy and then discards it".
How Old are you?
At what age do you think it's appropriate for a youth to start dating? Queen 21, says: "Thinking back to two years ago, what I would have looked for in a potential mate was so different from what I would look for now. Basically, even at this point, I don't trust myself to make such a decision. When I feel that my personality has been stable for a couple of years, then I'll think about dating." There's another reason why waiting is wise. The Bible uses the phrase "the bloom of youth" to describe the period of life when sexual feelings and romantic emotions first become string. (!st Corinthians 7:36). To maintain close association with one particular member of the opposite sex while you're still in this phase can fan the flames of desire and lead to wrong conduct. True, that might mean little to your peers. Many of them are all too eager to experiment with sex. But you can rise above that kind of thinking! (ROmans 12:2). After all, the Bible urges you to "flee from sexual immorality." (!st Corinthiams 6:18). Be waiting until you're past the bloom of youth, you can "ward off calamity"-Ecclesiastes 11:10. Numerous studies indicate that a couple who marry under the age of 20 are likely to divorce within five years.
Are you ready to get married
To help you answer the above question, take a good look at yourself. Consider the following:
Relationships: How do you treat your parents and siblings? Do you often lose your self-control with them, perhaps using harsh or sacastic language to make a point? What would they say about you in that regard? How you deal with family members indicate how you will treat a mate-Rad Ephesians 4:31.
Demeanor: Are you positive or pessimistic? Are you reasonable, or do you always insist on doing things a certain way-your way? Can you keep calm when under pressure? Are you patient/ Cultivating the fruitage of God's spirit now will help you prepare for being a husband or a wife later- Read Galatians 5:22-23.
Finances: How well do you handle money? Are you often in debt? Can you hold down a job? If not, why not? Is it because of the job? the employer? Or is it because of some habit or trait that you need to work on? If you have trouble handling your own finances, how will you manage those of a family? Read 1st Timothy 5:8.
Spirituality: If you're a Christian, what are your spiritual attributes? Do you take the initiative to read God's Word, to encourage in the ministry, and to participate at Christian meetings? The person you marry deserves nothing less than a spiritually strong partner- Read Ecclesiastes 4:9-10.
What can you do
Being pressured to date before you're ready would be like being forced to take a final exam for a course that you've barely started. Obviously, that wouldn't be fair! You need time to study your subject so you can become familiar with the kind of problems you'll face in the test. Its similar with dating. As we've seen, dating is no trivial matter. So before you're ready to focus on one particular person, you need to take time to study a very important "subject"- how to build friendships. Later, when you meet the right person, you'll be in a better position to build a solid relationship. After all, a good marriage is the Union of teo good friends.
Waiting to date won't stifle your freedom. On the contrary, it will give you more freedom to "rejoice in your youth. (Ecclesiastes 11:9) and you'll have time to prepare yourself by developing your personality and, most important, your spirituality-Lamentations 3:27. In the meantime, you can enjoy the company of the opposite sex. What's the best way to do so? Associate together in properly supervised mixed groups. A girl named Lucy says, "I thin it's more fun that way. It's better to have a lot of friends." Joy agrees. "The group idea is a really good idea," She says, "because you get to see people with different personalities."
In contrast, if you focus on one person too soon, you set yourself up for heartache. So take your time. Use this period of your life to learn how to cultivate and maintain friendships. Later, if you choose to date, you'll have a better idea of who you are and what you need in a lifelong partner.
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