By Funom Makama
If a modern girl can get what she wants, it will be education and freedom. She doesn't want to stay forever a few steps behind the boys. Some reports tell that there really are not enough men to go round for all the women. Men die in war, through labor hazards, and as everyone knows, many drift off to the big cities seeking work, and seldom come home again. Too many husbands or potential husbands can disappear due to alcoholism, vagrancy, or crime. Some are content never to marry, just employing prostitutes.
All these factors, plus others add up to make a problem: Some people don't have much hope of getting married or staying married. And there are always some who never seem to find the right partner. The question arises which is very important to many: could it be possible that it is God's plan for some not to get married at all? If so, could such an unmarried life be happy and useful?
There are several important things to look at:
1. From the beginning, marriage has been God's normal plan for us all. "It is not good for the man to be alone," the Lord said (Genesis 2:18). The New Testament upholds marriage, saying it "is honorable in all" (Hebrews 13:4). The apostles were married men. For clergy to remain unmarried is never a Bible command. "Let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband," says Paul (1 Corinthians 7:2).
2. The Bible also recognizes the truth that for some people and under some circumstances, being unmarried is better and is perfectly proper. Luke tells of "a prophetess, Anna the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was a very old woman, who had lived seven years with her husband after she was first married, and then alone as a widow to the age of eighty-four. She never left the temple, but worshiped day and night, fasting and praying" (Luke 2:36-37). Was all this in vain? No, she was privileged to recognize the Baby Christ when Mary and Joseph brought Him to the temple. Today the whole world honors Anna as a wonderful servant of God. She was in the right place at the right time, in order to bear an important witness to many people. No one can say that she lived in vain. (It seems that many married people do live their lives in vain, just serving themselves only).
The apostle Paul at one time must have been married, because Acts 26:10 implies that he was a member of the Jewish Council which required its members to be married men. Marriage was the right Jewish way of life, and Paul could hardly have gone contrary to it before he became a Christian. But when he chose to follow Christ. it appears that his wife and family deserted him (compare Philippians 3:8). He never remarried, and he says, "I say to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I" (1 Corinthians 7:8). This advice was not given to contradict what he himself had said in verse 2, "Let every man have his own wife, and every woman her own husband". He was speaking of special circumstances which made it best for some not to marry. God Himself would show people whether to marry or not: "Every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that" (Verse 7).
The times when Paul and the Corinthians lived were very critical. Their "World" was falling apart. The Roman Empire was declining, security was disappearing. Crime was increasing. Soon persecution would come on those who followed Christ. Everything was to be shaken. Even Jerusalem and the Old Jewish Temple were to be destroyed and the Jews scattered (Matthew 24:1-8). Most important of all, the gospel of Jesus was to be proclaimed in all the world, and this great work demanded complete devotion of all who believed. It was these special circumstances that led Paul to say:
On the question of celibacy [staying unmarried], I have no instructions from the Lord, but I give my judgments as one who by God's mercy is fit to be trusted. It is my opinion, then, that in a time of stress like the present this is the best way for a man to live-it is best for a man to be as he is. Are you bound in marriage? DO not seek a dissolution. Has your marriage been dissolved? Do not seek a wife. If, however, you do marry, there is nothing wrong in it; and if a virgin marries, she has done no wrong. But those who marry will have pain and grief in this bodily life, and my aim is to spare you. What I mean, my friends is this. this time we live in will not last long. The whole frame of this world is passing away. I want you to be free from anxious care (1 Corinthians 7:25-31).
Paul is careful to tell them that if someone really wants to get married, he is free to do so (verses 8,9,35,36). It is much better to get married than to 'burn' with vain desires. This counsel is good, common sense. What it boils down to is that the Lord plans a different kind of happiness for different people. Some find real happiness, like Anna, in building up the work of the Lord while they remain single (verse 34,35).
3. Are our times today special as those of Paul?
Yes, in many ways. Our world is indeed falling apart. Millions, yes, billions, have lost their way, Population is also increasing much faster than well-intentioned governments are able to plan food for the hungry people. It is sad but absolutely true that most of the little children being born into today's world are doomed to lives of grinding poverty, many to actual starvation. In 1972, the Club of Rome (The Limits to Growth) predicted mass starvation, political chaos, and general catastrophe by the middle of the 21st century. By A.D 2000, world population will be nearly six billion. Time reports that "starvation will claim increasing numbers of babies born in less developed countries, and many of the survivors will grow up physically and mentally stunted" (August 4, 1980). Well, We have now passed the year 2000 and this prediction is really not far from what is practically happening now.
Although, some fortunate few will be poorer even than they are now. Those who depend on wood for their fuel in the third world countries- well, no one knows what they will do soon. Even drinking water is to become scarce. Increasing pollution from the use of fossil fuels and heavy industry may make life almost unbearable for most people. If this isn't "the present distress", what could more accurately fit Paul's words (1 Corinthians 7:26)? And yet, the old "traditional" idea that is driving billions into ever deeper poverty is, "marry and have all the children you can." What's so great about adding to the world's burden of suffering and pain? (Here's some good news: Many unmarried women are now satisfying their natural desire for a baby by adopting Orphans and rearing them. They are happy instead of creating new ones!).
4. Because God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son", He is helping.
He impresses the hearts of some people to love suffering people more than they want marriage. They live like Anna and Paul, for helping others. They may not procreate more babies to add to the world's starving people, but they will help to feed the babies that are already here. They will have different kind of "children", like Timothy was to Paul, 'my own son in the faith" (1 Timothy 1:2). Their "children" will be the born-again kind, who found their Savior through such "begetting". Paul found one such as a runaway slave in Rome, "Onesimus, whom I have begotten in my bonds" (Philemon 10). Already there are many such unmarried men and women happily serving the cause of God, lifting heavy burdens, letting the oppressed go free, and their "children" will forever thank them for their ministry.
A very wrong statement made by some magazine wrote
"Christian parents ought to teach that it is God's will for many people not to marry, and that God has many things to be done in the world that are best done by single people. We should not try to persuade those who do marry to bear children.
The decision on what to do is yours, not somebody else's to make for you. The Bible gives freedom to marry or not to marry. But don't make the mistake of being driven into a miserable, unhappy marriage just because "tradition" unwisely says that it is the only way to live. Staying single might be the happiest life for you.
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